I Statements

An I-Statement is a simple but incredibly effective communication tool. It allows you to make your voice heard in any given situation. It is extremely helpful for diffusing arguments and helping you to deal with strong emotion.

An I-Statement helps you to maintain responsibility for your thoughts, interpretations and actions in an argument. It eradicates blame and ends up strengthening your relationships, rather than tearing them down with repetitive, painful bickering.

For a detailed explanation, have a look at Freedom Blog post: "The All-Powerful I"

An I-Statement looks like this:

I Feel..............

When................

Because...............

In the Future................

For me to say "I feel....." it means that I have to first acknowledge and own what it is that I feel. The "When" acknowledges the action of the other. This is the trigger. The "Because" means that I have to know why I am feeling what I am feeling. "Why does this thing make me feel the way that I do? What is causing these feelings?" This process involves some self awareness. Have a read of the Singular Focus series in the previous blog posts to learn more about this area. The "In the future" is an invitation to communication and relationship. I get to say what I would like to happen, and then I get to hear your opinion and desires too. We negotiate and compromise. My needs are important and so are yours.

Here's an example:

"I felt really upset when you raised your voice to me on the phone last night. I understand that you were stressed, but it reminded me of when my dad got angry with me, and I felt very hurt and small. I know that my reaction is my responsibility and I am definitely in the process of working through this; but in the future, could you please remember that this is a big thing for me, and maybe be more aware of your tone of voice when we talk?"